Yackerboom



Being an exceptionally silly entity, even for a god, Lord Yackerboom feels great sympathy for all the silly life forms under his Unholy Jurisdiction.  It is comforting for us plebs to know that our Lord and Master, all praises and toadying-up to him, creator of the universe, or at least some bits of it, can't organise his sock drawer or get a date either.


Forget that flying spaghetti thingy, Lord Yackerboom is the real deal, and he has the B.O. to prove it.


The Lord Yackerboom, piss be upon him, knows the One Word Of Truth, not to mention many, many, lies.



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O Yackerboom, O Yackerboom

Your thoughts are never pure

Your words encourage blaphemey

Your breath smells like manure

- from the sermon by Dickless Cheney on the 'Shitting City On The Hill'.




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One of the original Boy Bands, The Regime Changers, in concert - they still got it. Gog and Magog were unavailable due to armageddon training duties.  They are singing their big hit "Torture That Ain't Torture, Only Quaint".





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This number reserved for a Mr. Beast.



Lunatic Lancers Rank Structure with regular military equivalents -


Metawanker - Field Marshall

Superwanker - General

Headwanker - Lieutenant General

Semiwanker - Brigadier

Senior Dickhead - Colonel

Dickhead - Lieutenant Colonel

Very Silly Person - Major

Silly Person - Captain

Moderately Silly Person - Lieutenant

Slightly Silly Person - Second Lieutenant

Cannon Fodder Wanker - Warrant Officer

Cannon Fodder Dickhead - Sergeant

Cannon Fodder Idiot - Corporal

Cannon Fodder Gofer - Private


The current uniform is a red cocktail dress with matching shoes and handbag, and only officers are permitted to shave their legs.  The women wear Y-fronts and silly hats.  Insignias of rank are tattooed on the rear end, left cheek first, in big letters.  Upon promotion, the tattooed skin is removed with extreme prejudice, and a fresh tattoo made.  Many senior officers have no bum skin left, and do an awful lot of standing up.



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Superwanker Harold 'Chuck' Brutall, commander of the 44th 'Frankie Goes To Hollywood' Division, leading the parade celebrating the end of the Padded Bra Wars.



Recruits to the Legion will not be required to be confirmed cross dressers, as training will be given, mostly in bars down by the docks.  Experience in the field of executive relief is always regarded favourably.

Lord Yackerboom, piss be upon him, realised that he needed to form a protective unit to guard him when he was giving speeches or conduction baptisms in public lavatories.  To this end, he formed The Limpwrist Longblowpersons.  Quckly recognising that his most pressing need was protection from them, the Lunatic Lancers were formed.

From a small group of unemployable perverts, the Lunatic Lancers have grown in size to 344 full strength Divisions, mostly because it is the only job many silly persons can find.  These Regiments, funded mostly through executive relief programmes, perform many dangerous duties, such as flower arranging, spelling bees, sewing circles, crochet, stamp collecting, Liberace impersonations, aromatherapy, choreography, embroidery, hair styling, interior decorating, fashion design, makeup promotions, and the such like.  Very dangerous work, especially if their male friends find out what they are up to.  Female members do a lot of trench digging.

They are deployed world-wide to such flashpoints and hotspots as Little Binding In The Marsh, Isle Of Skye, Heard Island, Leichtenstein, South Sandwich Islands, Humula, Great Barrier Reef, Coopers Creek, Birdsville, and Tierra Del Fuego.  Very tough duty, not one tanning salon or manicurist between them.

Those members desirous of Super Hero training will be required to have sucessfully completed the Mild Mannerness Certificate, and to have an approved secret identity obvious to everybody other than the person/s they are close to.  Using the same initial for their first and last names will be viewed favourably.

Cigar Chomping and Granite Jaw Expression training is available, but only female members need apply.



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Metawanker Duke 'Macho' Mann, Commander-in-Chief, 14th Crochet Division "Boy George's Own Hussars"




Their motto is "QohQ ZkaHk", which is Klingon for "See enemy truck, then run like….er…the clappers".  They have a very proud record of surrendering, and are recognised world leaders in the field of capitulation. They have never suffered victory in battle.



Sa Sainteté, le Seigneur Yackerboom, que son nom n'apparaissent jamais dans la langue française, va déjeuner aujourd'hui, peu importe ce que Mme Otis arrive à regretter.

Unser Herr Yackerboom, kann seinen Namen klingen gut in der Deutsch Sprache, ist der oberste Führer unter allen bewaffneten Götter des Universums. Mai yackerboomismus weiterhin auf alle Menschen der Welt, auch die Amerikaner spead.

Il Grande e Santo Signore Yackerboom, possono non ha mai dovuto mangiare cibo Itilian mai più, ha decretato che il Vaticano è annesso l'Italia in modo che il Papa può avere un lavoro vero.

Su Santidad, el Gran Yackerboom Señor, nunca se tiene que visitar a Manuel en Barcelona, ​​el día de hoy ha emitido una orden que tortillas españolas dejarán de ser consumidos en público a menos que los adultos que consienten en la asistencia y el pie sobre una pierna.



Il est par la seule volonté je mets mes entrailles en mouvement

C'est par le jus de curry que mes fesses atteint la vitesse

Mon cul acquiert une tache

La tache devient un avertissement

Il est par la seule volonté je mets mes entrailles en mouvement.



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Tony Blair's pyjamas.

© Brian Brett 2011